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Indie Author Adventures #28 – Learning & Helping

Welcome back to episode 28! This week is going to be a relatively short one… (I can hear your sigh of relief from here… you know who you are!) 😉🤪

This week I want to share an observation – and ask a question… So, let’s jump right into it.

This Past Week

As a lifelong learner, and someone who LOVES to learn new things – this is a lesson that I have had to learn (and re-learn) many times over the years.

Not everyone who asks for help actually wants to be helped.

Phew… ouch… right?

But it’s true.

We could get into endless debates about victim mentality and all those sorts of things… but I won’t. Because – there is NO JUDGMENT HERE.

Indulge me for just a moment while I share a story.  (Yes, it’s relevant, I promise!)

I smoked for about 15 years. An awful, nasty habit… and one that I knew… for a FACT… was damaging my health terribly, and would – in all likelihood – eventually be my doom if I didn’t stop.

🎉 (And no, before you ask, I don’t smoke – I’ve been cigarette free for about 15 years now) 🎉

Here’s the point, to this though:

I knew I shouldn’t start smoking.

I knew every single time I lit up every single cigarette that it was awful for my health.

I knew with every puff it was making normal, daily life that much more difficult — walking up stairs? No thank you.

I even tried to quit a few times over the years… to utter failure… mostly because I “should” and everyone “said so”.

But — I could NOT QUIT.

Why?

The answer is quite simple actually.

I wasn’t ready to quit. At some level, I didn’t really WANT to quit — even though I knew I “should”.

And that is where this circles back around.

Not everyone who asks for help actually WANTS that help.

Why? Simple – they aren’t ready for it.

And as difficult and frustrating as that may be for us who have a deep desire to help — there is absolutely nothing we can do to FORCE that help onto anyone – in fact, trying to do that only accomplishes two things… more frustration for yourself… and more resistance to the help from them.

Like I said — no judgment here.  There’s been PLENTY of times in my life where I’ve rejected good, solid, help or advice (even though they were correct!) simply because I wasn’t ready for it. I wasn’t ready for the change that would accompany it. I wasn’t ready for the “new me” that would inevitably be part of that process.

And that’s okay.

It is not our job to think we need to fix people under the guise of helping. All we can do is lead them to the water trough of our own experiences and then it is up to them to drink… or not… and then appreciate them for exactly who they are, right now – even without our help.

Simple. Not necessarily easy… but simple.

Now… for the “question” part of this week’s episode:

Is there an area in your writing career or life where you are complaining and need help… but not actually accepting that help?  Why?  What is holding you back?

No answer needed, unless you just want to share… this is more for you to have some deep thoughts on! Remember… no judgments – not even against yourself! ❤️

What I Accomplished

  • Course creation for Author’s Mojo Academy
  • Plot hole hammering & patching!  (damned plot holes!!) 🤬😫🤪
  • Blog posts
  • Newsletters
  • Book Giveaway promotion!
  • Enjoying the 4th of July with my son 🎇🎆
  • New book series roughly plotted out
  • Blurb rewrites (ugh!) 🤪
  • Prepping for major ads launch

The Big Takeaway

It is not our job to think we need to fix people under the guise of helping. All we can do is lead them to the water trough of our own experiences and then it is up to them to drink... or not... and then appreciate them for exactly who… Click To Tweet

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